Originally Posted by
Groundhog83 
Thanks all. Appreciate you taking time out to respond, reflected instantly and it wasn’t celebration. Will join Feb thread. My hope is to quit for a period and then controlled drinking. ATM and all my drinking life one means ten and oblivion. Maybe once a week. Is control a realistic goal? Again thanks for the comments. Hope all you guys are managing.
I can answer for me, Groundhog83.
9 years ago I posted on SoberRecovery looking for support with eventual “moderation management.” I was even quite defensive about it.
I pursued that path. First with 4-5 years of daily drinking to drunkenness and withdrawls/hangover constantly. Did it get a little better sometimes? Sure. Sometimes I was able to beat it down, go sober for long stretches, — as I developed more major responsibilities in my life and healthy relationships, even longer stretches. But ALWAYS I would slowly reintegrate alcohol until I was back where I started... very bad hangover, withdrawals, hiding alcohol, rinse, wash, repeat.
My alcohol voice was always telling me I could eventually moderate, that I wasn’t that “weak.”
What I’ve come to learn Groudhog, is that whatever drove me to post on a SoberRecovery forum 9 years ago was the behavior of an alcoholic crying out for help, then instantly rejecting it for my addiction.
I’m in a place of health now, but it’s from the realization that even “successful” moderation for a few years actually sucks. It’s not even fun. A single glass of wine gives me a headache, I always want more. My brain chemistry never reverts to someone who isn’t an alcoholic. Unless I’m abusing it, it’s always disappointing and risks me getting drunk and seeking out more (just for tonight, just this one time —- I mean, I’ve been
so good lately, right?). Rationalization.
Hope that helps, that’s part of my story with it. I can sympathize with where you are right now.
And glad you’re here. That’s a big first step, honestly.