AH disclosing abuse.
He called me yesterday. We have been separated for about a month now during which time he has never tried to call me, only text me, so curiosity got the better of me and I answered.
He said he was calling because whenever he text he got angry responses and thought he must be coming across wrong. I told him he gets angry responses because his texts are just drivel about wanting to be involved with the baby and feeling sorry for himself. Nothing proactive whatsoever.
He ended up disclosing sexual abuse in his early teens whilst at boarding school, stating he believed it was what was behind his low self esteem and he relapsed because he didn't think he deserved a wife and a child, he went on self destruct basically because he was scared at the enormity of what was happening. He hasn't told anyone about the abuse, not his family or his counsellor or his AA group. He told me he finds himself visiting the person's Facebook, getting angry because the person has gone on to have what appears to be a wonderful life. He said he feels afraid to tell anyone incase they don't believe him and he was also raised with a get on with it type life. He said he is afraid of everything, every day, so he drinks to try not to feel anything.
I don't know what to do. The hard part of me thinks that regardless of this, I should stick to my guns and keep contact minimal. The soft part of me that has been through what he went through, wants to help. Wants to believe that perhaps if he gets professional help with this, maybe he can manage long term sobriety.
I am so confused. In four months, all going well, our son will be born. His first child. Part of me thinks I owe it to our son and to our marriage vows to do everything I possibly can to help AH and if in the end it makes no difference, at least I can tell our son I tried my very best when he is older.
The relapses I could cope with. They were short and sharp, a day or maybe two maximum at a time. What I couldn't cope with was the lies about having drank and the lack of communication from him afterward, other than a sorry. His attempts at recovery always seemed to stop at the stage where he was maintaining sobriety but not getting a life back for himself, shutting himself away in the house, afraid if he went out, he would be tempted to drink. Afraid if he got a job, he might drink. So not recovering, not drinking yet not moving forward. Just stuck.
I really need some advice, however I only really have my mother and as she is a functioning alcoholic (she would never admit it and would kill me for saying that) I don't think she is the best person to speak to.