Good morning, Jaguar!
I'm sorry you find yourself feeling so low
But I can tell you....there is hope!
You can have a joy-filled future
It just may not look like the future you have always wanted--the fantasy one with this man you have been fighting so hard to create because he has "potential".
So what is one thing you can do today--just for you? One little thing that will make you happy! It can be as simple as pursuing a hobby you have put aside for a long time or as bold as opening your own savings account to plan for your future!
I hope you'll keep posting because you'll find plenty of support here for you.