I usually talk about my AH but today it’s my alcoholic father who is 69. He still lives in my home state but we talk frequently and he comes to visit. Just found out he was admitted to the hospital after neighbors found him on the floor of his house and called 911. Doctors say his organs are shutting down and he is very weak. They scolded me for him living alone and being an end stage alcoholic and asked what my plan was for him if he needs long term care, as they don’t believe he is able to care for himself. My dad has drank vodka for as long as I can remember and was the reason he and my mother divorced when I was 5. It has been hard to maintain a relationship with him but I had stopped begging him to quit drinking and just cherished what little tid bits of normality we had as father and daughter. Well now things have taken a turn and it’s up to me figure out what to do next. He never did a will or trust, even though he always said he would, later. I am torn between being sad and angry at the same time. I feel guilty for not crying, but I am numb after having an alcoholic father for 41 years. I hung up with the doctor and just sat in my chair, thinking. I have to leave my family and job and fly out to see him and figure things out. The doctors, although I don’t fault them for doing their job, had a rude tone with me like I should be on a plane and rush to his side. If they only knew what I went through and what I saw growing up. I know I have to go face the music but for some reason I came on SR for some strength and wisdom and to remind us all how alcohol can ruin lives and people and relationships, up until the very end. I wonder what would have happened if my dad quit drinking in his 20’s when my mom begged him to. I wonder what kind of a father he could have been and a grandpa to his grandchildren. We’ll never know. Sad. Just sad.