Originally Posted by
pupper 
Liveher, thank you for your comment yesterday regarding perimnopause - I don't think that it's contributed to my alcoholism (yikes, using that word about myself for the first time... more honest than saying drinking problem though I think), but I do think it's forced me to take a look at my life, the physical changes I'm experiencing, and what the next 20 years will look like. One quote I read earlier this week was "Do you want to have the same drinking patterns in 5 years' time?" Woof. Nope.
Hi Pupper,
Yeah, hormone changes can be pretty potent and a lot of people don’t talk about it. I was already well on my way to being an alcoholic before the hormone changes... I just think it possibly added another piece to the perfect storm that led me to admit that my life had become unmanageable and I was indeed powerless in the presence of alcohol. I’m also feeling very down about a decade of infertility.... lots of very complex feelings - guilt, self fulfilled prophecy, sadness, regret, you name it. Alcohol definitely contributed to my never becoming a parent. I never drank during my unsuccessful pregnancies, but my drinking in my 30s led me to procrastinate too long and not have clarity about starting a family. And also probably had a lot of reproductive/hormone health repercussions. I wish I had woken up 10-15 years ago. But I can’t change it, so I have to face it. It can feel very lonely. But I know that if I keep choosing to put the cap on my feelings, I probably won’t live through the next decade.
So glad you are here Pupper... I just started going to meetings, if you’re thinking that route. I’m still confused and nervous in them but definitely feel relieved that people there are being very compassionate and welcoming. They’ve all been there before and wish to help.