I lacked any capacity to be intimate with anyone whatsoever after growing up in a very alcoholic household.
I was damaged goods before I went off to school and commenced with my 13 year nightly drinking regimen.
For me, working the 12 Steps led me to a rigorously honest lifestyle.
I married my college sweetheart (from the late 1970's, I might add) ~14 years ago.
She grew up in a Ward and June Cleaver type of family.
What she saw in me I'll never know, although she told me that she could see that, beneath the veneer of juvenile, self-centered behaviour, alcoholism, and drug addiction, something of value existed.
When we reconnected after my 21 year marriage to someone else (whom I met in a bar and who drank like I did), I became a 50% co-equal in our relationship.
I had sobered up and I had grown up.
I speak to her from the heart - no spin and no gloss.
I work to be there for her constantly.
I am protective of her.
We are intimate.
We know and trust each other to the depths of our beings.
The ability to be an active participant in a marriage, as well as in the other relationships I have in my life (business and friendships), only came to me after I worked the Steps with my sponsor.
I suggest that you keep working with her through the steps.
I think that by her doing that and by prayer on her part, the answer to her intimacy issues with her husband may come to her.
Intimacy is pretty much everything in a relationship.
Anything short of full, honest participation by all parties involved (in a marriage, hopefully just the 2 of them); otherwise, you have little more than the types of barroom "friendships" I had before I got sober.
Keep us posted as to the status of matters.
My sponsor helped me with my life problems through the platform of working the steps.