After a certain point appearing/acting in control isn't an effort but a normal part of the day. That acting expands into other areas of life. It takes it's toll because the friends, family and peer group that decided to move on/not party or drink until drunk move on. They can see through the act.
Here 1/2 century old alcoholic's peer group seems to change alot now only hanging out with people 1/2 his age, why because they are not old/mature enough to care about his excessive drinking.
There is also a huge amount of enabling even if it's looking the other way. I see this especially in the workplace. Long term drinkers have been enabled or facilitated.
After a certain point it's not an effort to act, con, manipulate, lie etc. Another day in the life of.