Raining please forgive me for saying this... you're a woman living without resources and with four kids, one of whom is disabled, and also four pets. You have nine (9) dependents (including him) and NO ability to access finances.
This man has you and your family right where he wants you: you are his own private audience to his sadomasochistic melodrama. If it were a Greek play, it would be called something like, "Narcissus Drowns Himself and Takes his Family with Him".
This business with him drinking tea is manipulation. He's doing it to make you feel bad for him. He's probably feeling sorry for himself as I type this. It's a performance... and: It. Is. Abuse (in my opinion).
Please consider contacting your DV centre/services. I don't know if his behavior is a result of his addiction or if this is his personality and the addiction is just an "extra" (I'm of the school of thought that addiction doesn't cause abuse, only abusers can cause abuse... but the stats are kind of fuzzy on the addiction-abuse relationship and I'm not an expert). No matter what the cause... you need to protect yourself, and that includes your mental well-being. Also... the kids... they see this behavior and are affected by it. You don't want them to think this is a good way to treat Mama. The two that are his... he has basically manipulated them to think he can do no wrong... which means if you try to leave, they will be his minions. This. Is. Deliberate.
I urge you to get a copy of this book on your phone so you an read it in private: "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft.
I could be an alarmist and maybe everything I'm saying doesn't apply to you... but if it doesn't, then reading that book won't do any harm.