I can remember many years ago having to be up very, very early to help my ex-wife leave on a trip she was going on. I had the day off and was back at the house by myself at 4:30 am. I had a box of wine, and I can vividly remember how good it felt to be there (I'm a morning person anyway) sipping my wine and reading a really good book to start my day. Fast forward a few years and I can also vividly remember gulping vodka at the same time of the morning, begging the shakes and the anxiety and the skin crawling sweats and the horrible self-loathing and despair to just go away. They did, but only because I passed out later. If I sat down and worked at it, I have lots of those second memories I could recall. Never again.