Are your other children not adults yet? Close to being perhaps?
I understand why you stay, but I have to say, of all the stories I have read in F&F, yours absolutely hits every single point of addiction.
- The mental abuse
- His denial
- His defense (he cooks dinner sometimes!)
- The morose tears
etc etc etc
You already know all this of course.
He is not showing any sign of quitting anytime soon, based on what you have shared and he is very deep in an addiction.
What's next? You may not have the luxury of waiting 12 months to see what happens, this could well pan out very poorly in the next year, it's progressive and it's going to get worse. Please prepare for this, financially and emotionally, as much as you can. You might want to start looking at rentals now to see what is out there for you. If his addiction takes a turn for the worst and he increases his drinking, you may really find you have no choice but to leave, for your own sanity if nothing else (and that is reason enough).
The pressure has been turned up on him, based on where he's at his drinking will probably increase, even if it decreases for a short while.
I'm sorry to be writing such negative things and this is, of course, just my opinion based on what I have seen.
I hope he goes to 90 meetings in 90 days starting tomorrow morning and quits drinking, I just wouldn't bet any money on it.