Abuse comes in many forms, just because he doesn't beat you doesn't mean he isn't abusive.
My AXH loved me, I know he did, but he did things that were abusive. He was a decent provider but providing a roof and food is not all there is to being a good husband.
-He lied about money and other financial shenanigans ( financial abuse)
-He complained all the time we couldn't afford something I bought for the family yet always had money to get drunk with ( financial and emotional abuse)
-He lied, all the time, not just about drinking ( emotional and mental abuse)
-He manipulated me with talk of suicide ( mental and emotional abuse)
-When confronted he would not listen to me, he'd yell at me for being "unfair" then storm away never letting me finish what I had to say ( manipulation plus mental, emotional and verbal abuse)
-He'd list the things he did well for the family, as if that some how gave him a pass or a balance to do the not good stuff (highly manipulative)
-He drank and drove all the time (abusive in so many ways, including legal jeopardy)
I could go on and on about the things that my AXH did that were so unhealthy for him and then by extension myself and our family. However, I have to own the part I played in that dysfunction because it was our normal. Our very unhealthy "normal". It's really hard to see how messed up it is when you are in the midst of it. Time and distance have me seeing things with much clearer eyes.
I hope whatever path you choose, you find a way to live free of the fear you are feeling today. I remember it well, it sucks.