My wife never committed to sobriety. She would have a glass or 2 of wine from time to time (moderating?). But I know she has wanted to be back with our friends in full drinking mode.
On vacation, it was like I started to explain (probably not well). It feels like a dream where you realize you can do whatever without consequence because it's just a dream. When you wake up it never happened. We were at a boardwalk area with shops, restaurants, bars, outdoor entertainment. It was just a place that seemed drink in hand was the natural thing to do. Didn't have an internal struggle with it at all. Just bought a beer and we kept on. my wife never said anything or acted surprised, it just went. I was just there, like a dream almost, we were happy and having a good time. I felt like I just disconnected from reality for a while. That's why my rant came the next day here about the stresses I needed to deal with. When I "woke from the dream", life was still there.
I'm the thinker, planner and worrier in my household. Always have been. Most likely the contributor to my drinking and anxiety (chicken and egg or egg and chicken, not sure which). Even this morning, I sat doing a budget for my oldest son because I'm worried he's making poor financial decisions. Well, NO SH@T! We all did when we were 18.
Clutter, bills, planning etc all make me restless. I deal with most of it ok but when I go away, I want to be able to turn off ME. Just for a bit.
Well, that was enlightening. Thank you WF for asking. Made me put it out there.
Perhaps some time with a therapist is in order. I tried once before but I feel it will take someone too long to get up to speed to make any real progress. I do a pretty good job on my own of staying balanced but there are definitely some gaps, no?
If I make a list of things that I need to do then knock them off one by one, I feel great. It just feels like there are a lot more lists. Need to knock off the lists one by one too. Lol (kind of).
Well, I've got plenty to do today and tomorrow will be nice enough to get things done outside. Have a great weekend all.
How's it going Ben?