Congratulations for not drinking, for your mindfulness, and for your strength. For me, the first time I drank as a teenager I could not stop and blacked out. So, I know there is a biological component to my drinking. I can't speak for you. But I can't beat myself up for the biological reaction that I have when I put alcohol in my body. I have never ever been able to drink moderately and have also peed in my pants on several occasions and passed out in my theater seat. The important thing is that you recognized the problem/disease and you did not get into a slippery situation. INSPIRING!