Possibly back
Hey. I've been drinking again the last couple of weeks. And a lot has gone wrong in that very short space of time. Scarily so (but predictably so). On the plus side an old (now over a year sober) drinking buddy has reached out to me privately via social media speaking of potentially joining her for an AA meeting. I was drunk and an idiot when I read it and basically just said 'Oh so now you wanna help me' or some such rubbish.
I hope the offer may still be available but in the bigger picture I still struggle with maybe if I wasn't so lonely I wouldn't drink like an alcoholic. How can you disprove the theory when, as in my case, you've been single for eight years (I'm 33)? I don't wanna be hosting a self-pity party or whatever but how can I know? Do I drink like an alcoholic because I'm lonely? Am I lonely because I drink like an alcoholic? Or am I just, plain and simple, an alcoholic?
Also sorry for writing under the influence (mildly now, more so when I last posted, a week ago or whenever it was. And sorry for whatever I wrote out of anger then. I think I wrote something out of anger on some thread or other, basically. And my god I'm getting sick of not remembering the things I've done. This past fortnight that has been the theme - two blackouts leading to two weeks of anxiety/shame/embarrassment etc.)