"It's kind of sad...and I'm only a couple months clean from it, but already look back on how depressed I'd get the second I ran out and am in disbelief, embarrassed that I let it get to that point. How I was perfectly fine w/ so much of my money going towards that next bag, perfectly fine w/ driving around w/ the stuff after picking it up, etc."
And it so horrible how easily we can slip back into the abuse after being clean a while. The excuses we make. Our AV says, "Oh, it's okay, just this one time...Oh, it's okay, I deserve it..." On and and on.
I hated arguing with my AV. So tiring. The good news is; the more you starve it, the weaker it gets.
Keep fighting the good fight!