Hi, Windytown! The advice I've heard most from people here, is also the hardest to apply, which is to focus on ME first, regardless of what happens with my husband. It's the most difficult thing I've had to do, but I also completely understand why it's necessary. Even he tells me that! I guess considering I have codependency issues from one of my parents also just makes that behavior so integral to how I've functioned for so long, I'm unlearning a lifetime of unhealthy coping behaviors.
But I agree. It's time to put myself and my well-being/recovery first.
Originally Posted by
Windytown 
also oh man the hours I spent contacting people, waiting for the bag of pot- driving to get it, spending money on it, obsessing about it while craving while everything else went to the back burner-- even now, I could get it legally now in a pot shop- but then what- sit at home with a bag of pot alone and smoke and sit on the couch all day thinking about some dumb thing- not able to do anything, numbed out and wasted- ugh it doesn't sound fun at all.
But THIS. Man do I relate to this. My obsession with pot has been a huge part of me for over 20 years now. It's kind of sad...and I'm only a couple months clean from it, but already look back on how depressed I'd get the second I ran out and am in disbelief, embarrassed that I let it get to that point. How I was perfectly fine w/ so much of my money going towards that next bag, perfectly fine w/ driving around w/ the stuff after picking it up, etc. I also think a lot about the fact that I could easily obtain a medical card in my state, but I know that the substance itself is just not something I can do. Even legally, I know I'd abuse it.
It's truly a mind**** but I'm fighting against it every day!!!