Originally Posted by
Honest 
I believe his use became more frequent after he had a falling out with his sister, they once got into an argument where she became physical. A second time she called the cops on him claiming he had hurt her, it was untrue and the cops obviously saw through it. That caused a lot of tension between him and his parents. Because he is the eldest they expected him to “ know better” even though his sister was the one lashing out. She would slander him online, using social media to give her side of the story making herself the victim when she was clearly the abuser. I stood by him through out all the problems he endured with his family. I tried to not intervene unless it was to stand up for him for any false accusations his sister was saying. With that going on and then on top he got fired from his job. I often helped him askuch as I could, buying him groceries or anything he needed for himself and the house. His parents started attacking him more also on the fact that he was jobless. I guess the constant bickering from them made him shut down and he wouldn’t do anything to look for another job.
Welcome to SR. I am sorry for what brings you here. I hope you find some answers in the forums. People who post here have experienced many of the things you are going through. I'm going to be blunt here, even though I know you are hurting. I am not saying any of this to hurt you, so take what works for you and leave the rest.
1. I think your ex's family did not cause him to drug. He was lying about them being abusive to play the victim in order to groom you. His difficulties with his family stem from them fighting with him about his drug use -- they wanted him sober, he did not want to be sober. Police officers sometimes make mistakes -- I have seen some throw domestic violence victims into jail overnight because she "seemed hysterical". I know a case where a woman's abusive alcoholic husband punched her in the stomach and then gaslit her until the cops arrived: "I'm not abusive, stop lying about how abusive I am, I didn't punch you, you threw yourself at my arm and I was trying to block you... etc". And when the cops arrived, he claimed she was delusional, hysterical, lying, and a danger to him and she had to be removed from the property for "his safety". Thereafter, every time he stole something, cheated on her, hit her, and she tried to verbally or physically defend herself, he would threaten to call the cops. She eventually became a recluse.
2. Think carefully about the way he is treating you
now. This is how he acts when confronted with his drug use -- this is what he was doing to his family.
3. He groomed you. You became a resource to him, buying him food, looking after him,
enabling him. His family don't like you because you were enabling him. You also "teamed up" with him against them in the past. Even though it was totally unintentional, you were toxic to his recovery by feeding his delusions and providing a safe place for him to land every time his drug choices tripped him up.
And you didn't even know you were being used this way.
4. Sometimes when things that seemingly have no explanation happen, people find other people to blame. In this case, his family may have blamed you for the way things have turned out. Addiction can seem totally illogical. Addicts only stop drinking or drugging when THEY want to stop, not when they promise other people they will stop. They have to WANT it for themselves. The management of addiction is life-long. Usually, unless the addict seeks help from a suitable addiction support group, they fill find it difficult to remain in recovery. Also recovery is not simply sobriety, it is about changing behavior.
5. Please read up on ice use and addiction. Meth is highly addictive, very dangerous, and also causes aggression, paranoia, and hallucinations. Every negative consequence your ex is suffering is from his initial choice to start using drugs... and now he's hooked.
https://adf.org.au/drug-facts/ice/
6. "Synthetic cannabis" or Spice/Purple Haze... etc... is more analogous to meth than to cannabis. So if he comes back to you in a few month and claims to be clean but occasionally smokes synthetic pot, he's still dangerous.
You no longer have a relationship with him. This is a good thing. Better that you leave him now than when you are 40 or 50 and have to start over later. There are a lot of stickies at the top of the forum that are worth reading. Also google meth or ice... you'll see that things start to make sense after you find out more about the drug. Another thing you can do is go to some Naranon meetings and read about codependency. Also block him on social media. Stop looking for updates. No contact will help you in your recovery (at least for the time being). This doesn't mean you have to stop loving him... but it will hurt you less, the less contact you have.
No matter how much you tried to care for him, he was not in a position to be in a relationship with anyone -- he wasn't even in a good relationship with himself. So please understand that none of his happened because you are unlovable. It hurts now, but in 12 months, things will be different for you.
Edit: Your post is timely because last night I had a dream that my ex was being honest about his meth use... and in the dream, I didn't want him back.