Honest

Hello, I’m new here. I’m posting this as more of a vent than anything but any advice is welcome.

I was with my bf for 9 years. He admitted he used meth since high school, he’s 31 atm. His drug use wasn’t apparent up until a year ago when he admitted to he had relapsed. I asked him to stop numerous times and he promised he would. I believe his use became more frequent after he had a falling out with his sister, they once got into an argument where she became physical. A second time she called the cops on him claiming he had hurt her, it was untrue and the cops obviously saw through it. That caused a lot of tension between him and his parents. Because he is the eldest they expected him to “ know better” even though his sister was the one lashing out. She would slander him online, using social media to give her side of the story making herself the victim when she was clearly the abuser. I stood by him through out all the problems he endured with his family. I tried to not intervene unless it was to stand up for him for any false accusations his sister was saying. With that going on and then on top he got fired from his job. I often helped him askuch as I could, buying him groceries or anything he needed for himself and the house. His parents started attacking him more also on the fact that he was jobless. I guess the constant bickering from them made him shut down and he wouldn’t do anything to look for another job.

My ex’s use got completely out of hand. He developed formication and started accusing me of implanting all sorts of bacteria, amoebas and insects on him. He would accuse me of trying to harm him, even asking me if I was going to kill him. He also had a complete psychotic episode where he thought that and that I was cheating on him with his friends and even with my coworkers. Going through my phone to try and find any evidence that would back up his crazy theories. I had enough and I ended up deciding to leave. I couldn’t take it anymore. All these accusations he had towards me without any viable evidence other than those paranoid thoughts of his. I was always faithful and tried my hardest to be there for him even when his own family went against him.

He ended up victimizing himself to his family. He told his mom I was mean to him and I didn’t love him. That I was probably using him and was seeing someone behind his back. He also told his sister that I had been stalking her social media and I had told him all the foul things she had been slandering about hm. Of course she was upset and made a couple nasty posts directing herself towards me. She’s a huge sh*t talker and is known to be one. She’s had nasty fall outs with majority of their relatives. It hurt me that since the beginning they ( him, his parents and 2 siblings) would all constantly verbally attack each other to the point there was a lot of tension at home. Clearly his parents found out he was using meth because one day he ended up calling an ambulance because he thought someone had poisoned his meth pipe. He obviously had been up for days and was heavily hallucinating.
I stopped responding to him 2 weeks ago. The first 3 days of January he was trying to reach out to me. It was during the last day where I heard from him that I had found out he had told his sister about me exposing her antics about him. I don’t know f he did it out of spite. All I know is that now they’re trying to act like a big happy supportive family when in the first place, they were the cause of his downfall and spiral to using heavily. I feel like he tarnished my image, who knows what kind of untrue things he said about me to them. Even though I miss him and still love him, I feel completely betrayed. I did nothing but be supportive of him throughout all these years and I feel like he did me the dirtiest. I know I can’t blame him completely,he hasn’t been himself ever since he started using more, it’s like he morphed into a completely new person who I don’t recognize. He used to tell me I was the love of his life and he would never try to hurt me. But he has.

I don’t know if it was because o the drug use but also towards the end of our relationship he began unwinding to me and admitted to all these messed up things he had done behind my back. He admitted he had cheated on me and although he said it had been towards the beginning of our relationship, It was devastating. It seemed like he got a kick out of telling me those things. It had been a long time ago, he could have kept it to himself I didn’t understand the need to tell me unless he was trying to hurt me emotionally.

I haven’t heard from him since. He’s gone sorta mia in all his social media. I can see bits of activity here and there but it doesn’t tell me much. At this point I don’t know if his family continue to support him, I don’t know if he’s even attempted to get clean. They loved to turn the other cheek. Letting him do whatever he wanted to until they felt threatened and then they seek for help. I
I’m dying to know what he’s been up to.. he’s got no job and towards the end he had severed many of his friendships, he would tell me I was his only friend.

I understand I did the right thing by leaving as everyone who I’ve told my story to also tell me the same and how toxic he was but I am completely heartbroken.