Heya Sweetichick
This post reminded me of something - how I would stop drinking for one day, two days, five days, a couple weeks. For years I did that. Well, over some years. There were many years where I maybe got one day that year, and others where I had a sprinkling of various amounts of time.
When I really got sober I realized that in addition to everything else, I was forcing myself to repeat the (physically) worst part of recovery over and over by doing that. That split second decision you’re talking about isn’t really split second (as you said above) but almost like counting the time towards the excuse. It’s part of the racing mind early on. It’s another world in many ways when you get past it. Getting past it involves the plan. The plan to kick the (planned) excuse to the curb, that is.
Anyway I hope your test went well, and I hope you start again today. Always rooting for you. xo-b