Originally Posted by
hearthealth 
I was watching a famous actress talk about how she was very blessed because she found and married the love of her life. I thought my husband was the love of my life while he was courting me. He is not the love of my life married to him (Not that I know who is my love of my life). I don't respect or love him but I chose this mess. I could have got out over and over again but I gave him chance after chance. He really didn't want to make me happy just himself. He has a wonderful life IMO I do not. I am sad for the choices I made when I could have left after the first bad incident.
I suspect what you "chose" is the guy who was courting you? Not the alcoholic who abused you? Not the alcoholic that is not in recovery that drags your down?
I'm sure you have read around this forum a lot hearthealth, how many stories have you read where they said - you know he was a complete ass and horribly verbally abusive but I married him anyway?
Not many.
What you do read time and again is - he was Prince Charming, he treated me so well, we were soul mates, he swept me off my feet, couldn't have been more thoughtful.
As much as it seems inconceivable that people do this on purpose - they do. There are men who believe that you charm a woman to make her your partner/wife and then once the ring is on their finger, you can just be your(real)self.
Now, I don't think this is some great evil mastermind/devilish plot, it's just the way some people see it.
In the case of alcoholism, with it being progressive, the guy you met who maybe got way way too drunk every Friday and Saturday - ffwd 5 years can now be a guy who drinks way to much every night or 4 nights a week. He now has brain/body changes to deal with. When he doesn't drink he's in withdrawal, not like a regular hangover (which is bad enough as you know if you have ever had one).
He becomes grouchy and abusive, taking out his frustrations with his life on you, because you are handy and you aren't going anywhere right?
Is it fair? Is it right? No, but it is the way it is. There is a reason the divorce rate hovers around 50% and no it is not because people are stupid or fickle or emotionally challenged it's because people realize it's not a life sentence, it's supposed to be a wonderful thing and when it's not, it's not.
Again, reading around here, you read so many stories from women and men who have stayed in unhappy marriages for years and years, these are not stupid people, or emotionally challenged or fickle, they gave it their best shot.
I'm sure you have too.
No use looking back and no use blaming yourself for staying, that's said and done. You have a plan now going forward, things will get better.