Update -
My last drink was at 6pm on New Years eve. I had a glass of wine (only my second drink of the day) and my body physically couldn't take anymore. I can't describe how bad I felt, almost as if I had really bad flu. My insides were in agony, I felt sick, anxious, like I was breathing strangely, jumpy, weak and freezing cold but sweating. I was lying with a hot water bottle and a wet towel on my head. Absolutely exhausted but couldn't sleep because I felt so bad. I knew I just had to ride it out and decide never to do it again. It was physical TORTURE. I had around an hours sleep.
When I woke up I was still feeling sick and as if I was going to faint when I stood up. Managed to get some food in me and have a rest day. Didn't touch a drop of alcohol and wasn't tempted to. Slept for 10 hours last night and today I'm over the worst of it.
Now that all of the physical symptoms have gone I'm left feeling so thankful that I'm feeling okay. I've had an amazing day because I've been totally sober the entire day (it's now nearly 11pm) and haven't felt like I'm going to die. I know something's different this time. I think where I've failed in the past is that I haven't told anyone of my intention of giving up alcohol so it was easy to fail. I still haven't been completely honest about the extent of my problem BUT my partner and I have committed to doing dry January and are going to support each other through it. If anyone wants me to drink I have the perfect excuse.
And then when January is over I'm just going to say I've felt so good not drinking that I'm going to keep it up.
There's no way I can go through that utter HELL again. I had left over booze and I've just poured it all down the sink today.