The meaning of a relationship to me is helping each other be the best person individually and together. Therefore when I tell my ABF I want him to be healthy and not drink himself stupid and to death. I see that as my duty as a partner trying to co-exist with someone who spiraling out of control . But he see's it as I'm controlling and I don't want him to have fun. In this case because his mind is not clear and he doesn't know any other way except the toxic way. That's when I back off and do my best to only put effort into my life and not his. Living in an environment like this is not healthy. Living together is a trap. A normal functioning person would embrace you , not push you away.