Wow, thank you all for your kind replies.
I read Robin Norwood’s book years ago, maybe I should read it again.
I have years of therapy behind me. I know myself very well, I know exactly why I started this relationship, I know what’s wrong in my marriage, I know what I was searching for and why I am drawn by this kind of stories. But knowing it’s not enough. Rationally, I can see it all, emotionally....I can’t detach.
The relationship is basically over. I’ve seen him a few times in the lasta months, he is blocked but he sometimes writes me from antoher no and then I engage into a very toxic dialogue in wich he tell me he loves me in all possible ways and I tell him he’s an *******...and this lasts for days as I sooo like drama and conflict.
I don’t even know if alcohol is the main problem, there are certain ways of him seeing life to wich I’ll never agree but I’m sometimes scared that i’ll never find this kind of connection in my life again. Emotionally and sexually.
In the last 7 months he managed somehow to keep his head above the water level, he found a job, he’s somehow normal even though he still drinks and he says he’s in control. There were a few times where he said he’s losing it and that “is happening again” but he managed to escape it.
He started again to write me and tell me all sorts of nice things and it is quite complicated to resist when ...well, my emotional life is quite empty.
At least I’m sure I won’t see him.
Thank you for not throwing rocks.