Fed up with myself
I hate that I can go weeks without drinking and then I throw all my progress away every time. These past few times it was the celebration of life for my uncle, then my roommate who has been told her liver is shot and she will die if she continues to drink relapses and instead of being there for her and being a good positive supporter I used that as an excuse to have a breakdown and go out and blackout, then christmas eve my step brother was drinking and it didn't even bother me but I said "what the heck" and had one shot - which led to drinking the rest of the evening and feeling horrible for two straight days after and puking blood.
I am too hard on myself and I don't know what to do about it. I beat myself up for days after a relapse and never forgive myself and if I'm going to move forward I have to just let go of the past and keep moving forward. It sounds so easy and I know what I need to do, but I am failing and my relapses are getting closer together.
I am 6 days sober again, and I have no intention of drinking but I am out of my mind with depression and anxiety.
On top of that, my roommate (also my very best friend in the entire world whom I love more than myself) admitted she had been binging so I contacted her family and we have been watching her 24/7 and trying to help her through these withdrawals and they are horrible. She's been to the ER twice in the past 24 hours. We did have a flight for her to go stay out of state at her Mom's who is a NP and was going to either get her into treatment or oversee her treatment herself, but my roommate (We'll call A) refused to go, so we have no plan. And I feel like such a hypocrite trying to help her through this when I am only 6 days sober and I just don't know what to do.
I'm at a loss with myself, with her, with life. I just don't know where to go from here.