MCESaint

Oh, I don't think she was trying to avoid the subject because "smoking is bad for her" -- heck, she almost died earlier this year because of complications related to her massive consumption of alcohol and that didn't stop her from going right back to drinking booze after she got out of the hospital. Cigarettes will only hasten her demise by an hour or two in comparison to the booze consumption (pre-rehab).

She avoided a direct answer to the question - IMHO - because she knew that saying "yes, I currently smoke" impacts the *cost* of health insurance premiums. Non-smoker premium is $x; smoker premium is $x + $y.

Just another way that *her* choices costs our family unit more money. This on top of rehab costs, loss of her job, higher car insurance rates, lawyers, etc. all from her past (and current DWI).

Now, I wasn't **trying** to lay a guilt trip on her about THAT -- at least, I don't think I was trying to. I **did** need information (that I wasn't 100% sure about) from her in order to (a) sign up for health insurance and (b) avoid problems with my new employer if I checked the box "no" when it should have been "yes" and (c) put her in a position of having to lie or change the answer when the health insurer asked (as they said they would) for certification that she didn't smoke.

But, it is where, IMHO, her mind went. She felt "guilty" about smoking because of the cost (higher insurance premium); not to mention the cost of buying the cigarettes in the first place.

I'm just not sure I see a path forward with AW, any more.

Even when I think I'm not being "judgey" - she still perceives my communications as "judgey" --- so, of course, I come off (in her mind) as a donkey - hole who is always judging her.

MCE Saint