searching......what does "throwing in the towel" mean, for you?......does it mean getting some support for you? or, separation--divorce?....what, exactly?
You say you want to exhaust every option....but, remember that could be to "exhaust" your own self....when a person is throwing verbally aggressive tantrums for hours and days, on end....that means that you are suffering verbal abuse, right now...even if you have never thought of it that way....
And, he is using these tantrums to keep you in fear and to control you....when you are afraid to get help for yourself...which you should have a right to...you are being controlled.....
Living in fear, under control for the next few years, sounds really traumatic for you AND the kids...even if they are late teens...especially, if they are in the house.....
Now, I DO hear that you are too terrified to make a change, at this current time....but, I do encourage you that you can start making baby steps, that he doesn't have to know about....baby steps toward the inevitable action that you will probably be forced to take....
You say that he works form home....are you ever able to leave the house...? If so, you could always go to the library, or the mall, etc. and call the local women's group and ask what resources they can offer or suggest, over the phone....that you will be able to use...when you do have to take action...like housing, food, legal advice, counseling services, financial assistance, safety planning, etc....(be careful to erase your browsing history or phone numbers)…
I suggest that you can start reading about the "cycle of Abuse"....over the internet....it will give you a lot of information and suggestions...again, be sure to erase your browsing history....
Is there any way that you can start saving some money...any small amount, for y ourself, and tuck it away?
Are you, currently, working outside of the house...? (this is an important question)…..
About you family friend that works in the womens group....remember that alcoholism thrives in the secrets...and it is common for family members to try to keep the issue secret from the rest of the world....but, the truth always comes out, in the end, anyway...sooner or later....
You can try to hide it...but, if things go really south...they will find out...
I think that your mental and physical health,...and, that of your children are more important priorities than what other people will think of you....
You are probably not the center of their lives, anyway...they don't have to live in your skin...and...are they there to hold your hand while you are afraid and crying and alone in the middle of the n ight.....
I so, encourage you to keep posting and to start making baby steps....
Lol.....don't let another year go by, again.....