50 days sans alcohol! While I’m thrilled to be feeling so much better and not looking like I just rolled home from Vegas, I find myself wondering what has led me astray in the past so that I can do it differently this time. With the exception of
pregnancy and having very young children with no desire to drink at that time, the longest time I’ve ever gone since I seemed to develop these horrible drinking habits is a little over nine months. When I think back to what made me drink again, it’s a bit terrifying how easily I let it happen. It was just a whim. I felt like my husband and I weren’t getting along so great and an easy way back to normalcy was to have dinner and a bottle of wine or two. That was prob three-five years ago. How stupid is that? I let everything I had worked so hard and sometime not so hard... but everything that was helping to sustain my happiness, slip back into the bottle. Eventually I was back in Hell and while I’ve had a few bouts of stopping for short periods of time, I could never put together good sober time. Honestly, I’m scared that I will give it all up again. It happened so easily every time before. I know all the tricks and the plans, but history shows I seem to convince myself unconsciously that I’m ok. I DO NOT EVER want to go back there. I’m at 50 days today and my next stop is 100. I’m really trying to love myself enough to not F up the life I’m building AF. I want it to be one that I will never risk losing. I’m in that frame of mind today and need to figure out how to stay there.