Don't give in to your AV, eve! It is a liar and there is nothing in the world that having a drink will not make infinitely worse. It seeks and loves your self-destruction. Don't give it any power, and please don't drink. You can do this; when I have been tempted I always 'play the tape through' and realize what could happen with just one drink (and it would never be just one for me; I do not possess an off switch when it comes to alcohol.) I was as far at rock-bottom as a human being could get but something buried deep within me still had hope. I developed a strong plan of recovery and spent/spend time at SR several times a day--the amazing people here have been a great source of help and hope, and on the 23rd I have 3 years of sobriety--you can have a dignified, decent and sober life--just please don't drink. I wish you every good thing in this New Year.