Hi newhope, I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you.
I felt moved to tell you a little bit about my mum. Her own mother - my grandmother - abandoned her when she was just an infant, took her elder brother and left her with my grandfather. My mum never knew her real mother. As a very young child, mum was left with relatives who beat her. Eventually my grandfather remarried and had more children. His second wife mistreated my mum and favoured the younger children over her stepdaughter. Poor mum left home young and married my father, an alcoholic.
Please know that I'm not telling you this to compare stories of abuse and mistreatment . The part I want to tell you is my mum had four children and she loved them and continues to love them unconditionally. She promised herself her kids would never suffer what she suffered growing up. She walked away from her FOO. Her family wanted nothing to do with us children - we were treated like outsiders growing up. Eventually my dad and mum split up.
Mum is not perfect, of course. She suffers from low self esteem and insecurities, she is understandably quite neurotic about some things. But she has a heart of gold. And she will always have her kids and we love her beyond life itself.
Parts of my childhood were unhappy but the thing I could always count on was my mother's love.
That was my safe haven. That will be your child's gift from you.
Have a safe and sober Christmas.