Sorry
Sorry about what you went through. My experience was not as bad, but I also had low self esteem and psychological problems. I did not really realize what was wrong with me for years. I knew something was wrong. I medicated with alcohol and weed. And sometimes other drugs. I don't know if it helps, but you have to realize (as I did) that your situation was not your fault. You did not pick that upbringing. If you can arrange counseling please go. And take the alcohol problem one day at a time. You can make progress and get better. Best of luck to you.