I'm sorry for what you went through as a child. It's horrible to have to live in a situation like you did. I, too, was abused, physically and emotionally, as a child and it's difficult when you grow up with low self-esteem. Try to remember that you are not what your family thought of you.
I think you are doing the right thing by staying away from your family at this time. It sounds like a toxic situation. Many of us here have stepped away from our Families of Origin and tried to form new families with friends in our lives. In fact, many of us feel like SR is a family, too. I'm sorry you are so alone at this time. Do you have friends who you could spend some time with over Christmas?