I want to recommend a book about abusive men called Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
https://www.goodreads.com/work/quote...ontrolling-men
I'm not saying that original posters partner is abusive or that being an alcoholic means being abusive too.
But the book is outstanding for trying to understand the mind of the abuser and I can't recommend it enough for any woman dealing with abuse.