jimmyJlover

A little background on myself - I drank alcohol. It became a problem. Nothing special.

But, I realized it a problem a few years ago, slowly but surely. Finally came to grips I cannot go on this way, tried to "fix my drinking" to no avail. Ultimately gave in to the notion and just drank leaving behind the debate of "do I really have a problem" or not. Once you feel that way, it becomes a spiral feeling of hopelessness. Life around me remained stable and I did my best to maintain a normal appearance of control, and probably did. However, I was mentally torn up on the inside.

Fast forward to 51 days ago when I stopped drinking after a planned self taper. Although I made false promises before, and even had a week or so here and there over the years of no alcohol, this time has been different. It has meant much more to me. My life couldn't go on.

Now I am wondering where do I go from here? I know I cannot drink, although lately there are times when I am starting to tell myself it might be ok to drink again. This is why I'm posting here...to figure out what I do next?

What concrete foundations do people with long term sobriety have that I need? How do I transform my new found quest for not drinking into a true sober life?

Currently my plan has just been to remove myself from social situations lately, I can return when stronger. I read here, and just started listening to a podcast on recovery.

Lastly, from any AA folks; if I went to AA do I start at the beginning with Day 1 count in the program, although I've been alcohol free now 51 days?

Thanks, I appreciate feedback,

Jimmy