You are now selfish at all. This is what you need to do to retain sanity and get better.

I was married to my qualifier for 12 years and we have a 14 years old who is on autism spectrum and adores his dad. Dad is now sober but still blames me for demise of our marriage (I set him free after multiple relapses and rehabs, lying, cheating and years of verbal abuse, he was barely working and bitter about my successful career). He chose to move 300 miles away on a premise that he did not have any other choice and never even attempted to fight for custody (although he has been sober for a year).
He continues to try to make me feel bad about my financial situation (which is better than his) and complains that his life is harder than mine (I have a full time job and a custody of my teen son, while he lives alone and works two days a week). He claims that he could not breathe while we were married and he cannot cope with difficulties involved in raising child with autism. Some of it is BS, some of it is honest (not being able to cope, it’s weak and sad, but at least honest)

I refuse use to feel guilty for “tearing him apart from his son” and “ruining the marriage”. He made his choices now he has to live with them.

You sound good in your understanding relationships with active alcoholics are not possible. I won’t even consider dating an addict in recovery now - my qualifier was sober when I have met him, based on what I know now - never again.

Letting go gIves you strength, hang in there, and don’t engage in his nonsense