Originally Posted by trailmix

Hey surfbee, just wanted to say sorry about your great-uncle, I'm sure that was upsetting for you and hope you are doing ok.

So I have been thinking about this some more, as one does (because this dynamic interests me and because I care).

You mention getting "triggered" and I guess that is the part that I find to be a stumbling block in this. If someone treats you badly, for lack of a better term, that's certainly a trigger but not one to be ignored perhaps.

That's my thing with detachment. Detach, detach, how on earth does anyone cope without that, I get it, I subscribe to it, I support it! But call a spade a spade. Less than stellar treatment should not be glossed over, no amount of meditation or bolstering ourselves up or rushing over to our side of the street makes that ok and to ignore it, to gloss over it, is fraught with problems (just my opinion of course).

It is entirely possible to cope in a relationship with an alcoholic (my Mother did it for 22 years) that doesn't mean it has no effect.

I don't know, I don't have an answer here, I get that enough meditation and self-care and focusing on yourself can center you and that is 100% important, but this relationship has huge challenges and over time that can wear on you.

For sure we ALL need space sometimes, to unwind, to regroup to get our thoughts together, that is really healthy behaviour in my book. But deciding to take several days vacation from a relationship (your BF) must take some toll on you?

But maybe not, I guess I'm asking? When you are sitting there alone instead of out say, having dinner or going to catch a movie with your SO, which you can't do because he is holed up drinking or isolating, is that good for you?