You're absolutely right; and I'm not closing the door on any method that could help me. I do question if I'm too foolish to not let the addiction take me down. Addiction is a ******, and while I don't like to admit I've lost control, it's clear that I have. I remember not understanding how my brother could be depressed and still to consume a depressant. Now I do the same. It's not a path I want to follow no matter how many years I've outlived him.
It's like that scene in Stand By Me. "It should have been you." Yeah, it probably should have been.
But it is what it is. I appreciate the support and am thankful for all of you.