Lost-
Self-care is NEVER selfish
I had that as a mantra for a long time.
My closure came when I finally realized that my loved one's drinking had nothing to do with me. He drank because he was an alcoholic. He drank because he could not be with his feelings.
I also realized that I was asking the person who hurt me, who was ill in his disease to heal me. That is like drinking poison but expecting it to get someone else sick.
It was not easy, it was not fast, but I was worth it. You are worth it too.