In the end, this is what is making it harder...Am i selfish?
Hi all. Your responses mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I have my bad and good days; for some reason today, I just woke up emotional. I have decided to stop the wellness checks, stop driving by his house, stop calling a phone that has been disconnected for none payment.
I have had alcoholic’s in my family, my mothers’ father was one who was absent most of her life, it really did affect her. Before he died, she made peace with him. However, being in love with an alcoholic has forever changed who I am.
My biggest issue is there is no closure; before he went on this now five-week binge, we went to NYC for a great dinner, held hands, talked about a future. Two days being he returned to work is when I noticed the difference in behavior, passing out for hours, misspelled text messages, lies, etc. In any normal relationship when you break up, you get closure. It didn’t work out because of XWZ, with him, we never broke up, he just turned his phone off and stopped facing the world. I feel its not fare, I am the one who is hurting from an almost three-year relationship failing and he is not. That is what is NOT FARE. I cry, have lost weight from lack of appetite. He I assume feels no emotion because the alcohol numbs him, so in a way, he DOESN’T have to deal with the pain of us ending. Am I selfish? I WANT him to feel the pain. It’s not fare that its all on me. He gets to escape it.
I know there isn’t a lot anyone can say, especially if you have been in his situation which I have not. But today I finally realized that’s what is hurting me so much. That he gets to escape the pain, and I don’t.
I am seeing a therapist on Tuesday, I am hoping she can help me. I am making a step to finally but this behind me. I will not be able to get closure from him but something needs to help. I started jogging to. I am trying to be more positive.
Again, I thank you all.