bir,
Totally am like that as well. I call it my paws/ptsd from being a drunk.
Feels/felt like I was going crazy. Probably because that is what booze does to us. It eventually makes us clinically insane. Recovery feels insane, so folks relapse only to have to go through a worse insane feeling recovery next time.
Some get meds to help. I resisted because now that is on my record and I hoped I could get through it naturally. I made it this far anti d free.
Plus, relapse on meds and it is a whole new hell on earth.
It gets better by the moment and relapse is more of a fear because my health has improved dramatically.
The Dr. is surprised that my blood pressure dropped so much in the last year. The reason is I exercise like a crack head. Exercise is my new drug.
Everything that burdens me now is part of my paws/ptsd. It is personal and I speak about it with nobody but folks on SR. Even handling discomfort with my family, work, or SR is part of my recovery. I am learning to cope as a stone sober man.
There is no mystery. It is science. We here are recovering from years of alcohol abuse and it takes years to recover. We are lucky to have SR and be in recovery. At the AA meetings I attended we had a part of the meeting where we prayed for the drunk still actively drinking (still out).
Thanks.