DriGuy

My alcohol counselor left the job, and I got transferred to someone else, who told me she wouldn't talk to me unless I went to AA because it seemed to work better than anything else. So I'm sitting there wondering, "If I go to AA and it keeps me from drinking, why would I want to talk to you?"

But with that ultimatum, I decided I would suck it up and go to AA with the alcoholics. Sheesh! I hated that word. So she gave me a list of meeting places and times and I headed to a meeting that night, with one day of sobriety under my belt. I got there early and sat outside waiting until just before 8:00PM when cars started pulling into the parking lot. Strangers were getting out of their cars and walking into the building, and I was really nervous.

Not knowing what to do, but knowing that each meeting time had a contact person to call for more information, I decided I should call first to let them know I was coming, and I drove off. OK, silly, but I was looking for a reason not to go in there. That was on a Wednesday, and the next likely meeting would be on Friday. On Thursday evening I called a guy from the contact list named Dean, and told him I might have a problem with alcohol, and I would like to attend the next meeting.

He was encouraging and suggested that I show up and check it out, and if it was something I thought could help, I would be welcomed to attend. Surprise, surprise, he wasn't pushy and didn't tell me all about the horrors the bottle. He was just friendly, and told me he would be looking for me.

So on Friday, now with three days under my belt (the longest I could ever go without a drink), I was sitting in a restaurant across the street from the liquor store, which would close in a half an hour. I'm holding on with white knuckles with a half hour to make a decision about buying a quart of whiskey. Just before the liquor store was closing, I decided I could hang on until the meeting, and that I could still go to a bar and buy a pint at some outrageous price after the meeting at 9:00PM.

I made it to the meeting, expecting to see a bunch of would be drunks whining about how much they needed a drink, but here's all these happy people from high school age to one foot in the grave, sitting around celebrating sobriety. When at the start of the meeting, they asked if any newcomers would like to introduce themselves --- Now I was the obvious only newcomer and everyone is staring at me waiting to hear something or other --- so I introduced myself and told them I might have a problem with drinking, but I wasn't sure, and everyone yelled out at once, "Hi Dave," which kind of sat me back in my chair while, I'm thinking, "Now what?"

So people started taking turns talking about some aspect of their drinking, and I could relate to everyone of them in some way. Not knowing that AA frowns on cross talk, I would respond after each person talked and expand on how that related to me. Then someone else would talk. Then I would talk, and bla, bla, bla, here I am scared to death and pretty much dominating the whole damn meeting by myself.

People were laughing and smiling, perhaps a little too much, but they let me go on blabbering away, and no one seemed angry or upset. It wasn't until a later meeting where someone explained to me the AA protocol and avoiding cross talk, but god knows I needed to talk that first night, especially to people that I could finally relate with on an equal footing.

At 9:00 PM, the meeting ended, and I drove by the bar thinking I could probably make it one more night, and then I'd have four days under my belt. This was on Friday night mind you, the one night I could drink with impunity in reward for living through another week. Not that my usual pattern didn't revolve drinking every night just as heavily as on Friday, but on Friday it seemed like drinking was absolutely a forgone requirement.

My sobriety date was January 3rd, three days before that first meeting, and it remains so today, although I'm not sure about the exact year. Now that I think about it, January 3rd might be my last drink, so I don't know if that's considered a sobriety date or not, but that is now semi officially established (by me), and that's the date I use. In the last few years, January 3rd comes and goes, and I don't even stop to realize it's important.

I have no idea why I just posted all of this, but there you are. Thanks.

Oh one more thing, several months later, I met the alcohol counselor that sent me to AA on the street, and she asked me how I was doing. I told her I hadn't had a drink in 6 months, and she seemed pleased even though I never came to see her after that first meeting. Really, I just needed to quit. Processing all the other crap in my life, I could do on my own.