Welshfuture - I'm so glad you found us & wanted to tell your story. Welcome.
The hard part for me was admitting it - I wasted precious years trying to use willpower to control my drinking. Coming here to SR helped so much with that. No one judged me - everyone understood how I was feeling as I reached out to reclaim my life. It's great that you are taking this step. Pretending you can manage your drinking is a death sentence. I was drinking all day in the end, and nearly died because I was afraid to experience life without alcohol. Yet I was miserable - and in a terrible trap. It felt so good to break free.
I hope talking things over will encourage you as you begin a new & better life. Congratulations on your decision. We're here to help. You can do this.