Originally Posted by joandmelandhan

Good morning all.
I am so sorry I'm not posting a great deal right now and I feel just awful I'm out of the loop with everyone's news and struggles. Truth is I'm slipping badly. My moods are just awful and I have a bit of a virus on top of it.
Hannah and I actually came to blows on Saturday. Yes I know. A massive blow up over her flicking the lights off and on. Pathetic I'm ashamed. Then on Sunday I felt so tired and headachy I went to bed for 4 hours in the afternoon. Boy did that mess with my mind. It felt like I'd been drinking when I woke up and had lost half the day.
I've decided to take a day off work today just to try and regroup. Sounds a good idea but if I am being honest I'm throwing a sickie. This is the kind of thing I did when drinking and I feel pretty anxious doing it today but I just couldn't go in. I feel sick inside at the idea of skipping work but I'm just so out of sorts I think I'll end up having a bit of a meltdown today if I go in. So I actually feel like today is a sick day due to mental illness as much as anything else. It wouldn't wash if I said that so I've lied.
I have no intention of drinking - I m lucky that the holidays don't trigger me (and my thoughts go out to those battling the cravings right now).
My plan is to try and do some chores around the house, walk the dog and cook something healthy for dinner. That's about as much as I'm prepared to commit to and to be honest the idea of slobbing around appeals to me far too much right now. Oh dear I am having a moan today aren't I?
Again I am sorry for going awol but in my head there is a wall between the things I know will help me and actually doing them. Even down to the basics like cleaning my teeth. Yes I know it gets like this sometimes and I am thinking abut PJ's advice that sometimes just the absolute basics are good enough. So we shall see. In my mind I must make today count (given that I have let work down). Posting here is helping - apologies if it has come across as self absorbent and hard to follow.
I feel like although I am not craving alcohol I am taking a step further down the relapse ladder each week. It's dangerous territory for us addicts and somehow I need to find a way to regroup and steady my mind.
Committing to 24 more please and lots of love to all