Hi secret chord - I don;t think you're a loser or that you're bothering anyone here at all - if people struggling bothers anyone, SRs probably not a good site to be on
I struggled for a long time because what I really wanted to be was a 'normal drinker' - for me that meant drink as much as I like - have nothing bad happen and then have no cravings to continue the next day.
for me that was a fantasy because once I had that first drink everything changed:
and I could not. would not stop drinking until I was 'done' - sometimes that took weeks, month, or eventually even years.
I find it incredibly easier not to drink at all - so long as I don't take that first drink everything stays ok.
Its rough in the beginning - I used drinking as medicine as fun, as a social aid, and as a problem dealer... and not having drink there anymore was hard- but it gets easier.
I had to change my lifestyle quite a lot but it was worth it.
I wouldn't change my sober life for anything now.
I hope you'll decide to commit yourself fully to not drinking at all, ever - no matter what...
it really is the way to go
D