Hey All,
Went to al-anon for the first time in a while today and am going tonight. Planning to work the steps as I know they saved my life and helped me recover from a hopeless state of mind and body in alcoholism.
Here is a link to another thread for some background:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...oundaries.html (AW w/ Alcoholic In-Law Boundaries)
My wife is currently 4 months sober and doing well. We've been seeing a couples counselor that specializes in addictive families which has been helpful. She has had limited contact with her parents and sister but their is still contact and I struggle with that. The latest wave of emotion came during Thanksgiving in which we spent the actual day with another family in recovery which was nice. The following day my wife took the kids to have lunch and see a movie with her parents and sister. Her sister btw had 11 months sober and is in some sort of private hell drinking with her parents again. The day after my 7 year old asked me why I didn't come to the movies yesterday and I didn't know what to say. It just made me more emotional - sad, angry, frustrated...
The counselor we are working with wanted to see about inviting the parents in without my wife and I in an attempt to get their perspective and help us all move forward. Again, the invite was made a couple weeks ago to her mom with non-threatening language from the counselor personally. The same response of "let me check with your step-father" who ultimately won't do it so her mom won't do it. Everyone just moves on like the invite never happened, no response, no yes or even no.
I get really frustrated with this. Why can't her mom step up and go it alone? Why doesn't it bother my wife that they don't? She admittedly has a coping mechanism of not expecting anything out of her parents and having low expectations.
I guess the way I see it is that right now they are getting to continue to see you and our kids about once a month about. They're getting exactly what they want with no consequences for their insane behavior and actions. To me this looks like enabling.
It's one of those sick relationships where they loved me as a hyper successful drunk but have been repeatedly offended by the things I need to do to protect my sobriety over the last couple years.
Am I grieving because them not making any effort is a sign of that the relationship is dead? Can I not let go because I think I can fix them?
It's making me miserable - maybe someone can relate?