Originally Posted by
Meadow123 
I wanted to leave things agreeing that there are beautiful memories and it was so good at times. I just get more abuse back. He only says i lied and am a fraud and used him. He tells me to f off and go to hell and says he is not the only one who knows what i am really like. so confusing because i cannot imagine whow would say thst about me. i am not perfect but i am not mean in any way. i have to learn that there is no reasoning with him. He has to help himself first.
Meadow,
I realize you are going through a lot of pain, but when you start to feel a bit better, I hope you are able to see that everything that comes out of this man's mouth is either abuse or manipulation, and yes, even the good times were manipulation. Now before you say, well you don't know my relationship, let me offer the suggestion that I may well have lived your relationship... because the things this guy is saying makes him sound like my exAH. He says that he's not the only one who knows what you're really like? Umm... what he really means is, "he's not the only one who can abuse you because he's been going around recruiting flying monkeys and talking trash about you to anyone who is dumb enough to listen to his bull. Or it is just bull and actually what he really means to say is: "you're not the only one who knows I'm an alcoholic... but you're the only one I'm trying to manipulate until I find my next target."
Please... take your sadness and make it anger! The fact that he's taking this break-up so immaturely suggests that he's not concerned about losing you so much as losing control of you. He's put you through hell and then he blames you for it. He has self-destructive behavior because what he really wants in life is to be a big baby who can't pull his own socks up and he needs someone to make him feel that he's entitled to his selfish behavior.
He lies to himself. Then he lies to you and expects you to believe it: I have chronic something-something, I have to drink.... watch me hurt myself... feel sorry for me... etc. That. Is. Messed. Up.
This is not your fault or responsibility. You are not stupid, he's just an expert manipulator. It is hard to think clearly when you are grieving. You are in the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). Don't act right now. Don't engage, just stand still and try to see the fog around you first. 100% agree that this guy sounds unstable. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist.
Please be kind to yourself.