I think I get where you’re coming from. I have a job (and a personality type) which emphasizes getting the facts from reliable sources, organizing them logically (A therefore B, C is not the same as D, E implies but is not limited to F, etc) and making convincing arguments. My lawyer has more than once told me that I should be litigating for myself because I send him emails which are basically preconstructed affidavits.
I had to learn that all of these skills are of no use whatsoever with an alcoholic. You cannot argue with them. You cannot convince them. You cannot use logic or reason or anything else to shift their thinking or their actions. Their brains will not receive it. All you can do is state your position once and then step away. Maybe after an extended period of both sobriety and recovery they can be receptive and you can have a normal discussion or negotiation. But not in the state your wife is in now.
Learning to step away (“drop the rope”, as they say in Al Anon) was really difficult for me because I do believe in the power of reasonable and fact-based discourse to bring about good solutions. But it doesn’t work here.
So if these interactions with your wife are beneficial to you, in that expressing these thoughts to her brings you some relief, that’s great, but as you know it won’t change her own behavior.
I am not at all trying to be critical - I know very well the Mafia-like qualities of the alcoholic desire to self-justify, self-pity, and generally try to drag you back in.