DragonFlyPeace…...since you have come here for help. I am going to take the liberty of responding to your post....however, you say that you only want comments from those who have left a spouse that you have loved....so, you may have to disregard my comments...since I have not left an alcoholic spouse...
I have, however, had to kick out my adult son, at one point when he had no money, no job, no where to go, comfortably.....he went to live in the woods, for several months....Is it hard to kick out your own flesh and blood that you love as much as I love my son...Yes! He did get sober...but, it was a long and rocky road, before he did. I have had to bury a husband that I dearly loved...he died from cancer..not alcoholism...but, the loss plunged my heart to the bottom of the oceans floor....
What I am saying is...that love will not always protect us from losing the ones that we love. We may not be able to keep our loved ones...but, we don't have to stop loving....
The very main thing that I want to say to you, is this....I have spent many years dealing with alcoholics and their families...in addition to my own personal experience....and some of the biggest ingredients that I see that make up enabling are---feelings of guilt and obligation that are misguided....