As I get older, I am realizing that A LOT of people - many of them "normal drinkers"- DO need to drink alcohol in order to be open, relaxed and social. For this reason, because *I* want so desperately to connect with others (I spend a lot of time isolated), it's hard for me to remain alcohol-free when I know I am not being supported. I hope that makes sense.
It makes sense from a certain perspective
I tried myself into knots trying to be someone everyone liked and wanted to have around, and who was the life of the party.
Now I'm sober and I know the real me, I can see I'm actually quite shy withdrawn and not all that polished at social interaction.
It's quite amazing to me tho - rather than being more lonely and insular - I'm not lonely - at all - and I have a better social life now than I ever had as a drinker.
You don't need to drink to fit in. It's amazing how far being interested in what someone else is talking about will get you
The roots of my loneliness were internal - not external - I could be lonely in a crowd,
Getting sober and dealing with the roots of that loneliness made me a happier more positive person to be around, for all my shyness.
And your friend - she doesn't need you to drink with her, she might WANT that but I think what she really needs is a sympathetic ear.
If drinking is more important to her than that then you have no obligation to fulfill BF.
Your Av has got up a good head of steam BF but it's still just blowing smoke.
We;re not like normal folks who can take or leave a glass. Fair or not that avenue is closed to us if we want to escape the past.
You can have a rich fulfilling life and you don;t have to drink to do it.
I really hope you can find it in yourself to believe and accept that without having to go back and test something I think you already know.
D