Flipped the switch
I just spend the better part of the last hour reading over my posts from 6 years ago. It was a very strange albeit good experience. I no longer drink and had my last drink a little over three months ago. I had over 10 years of drinking anywhere from 12-16 drinks every night. I went to monthly therapy and had a very supportive wife who stuck with me longer than she should have. The thing was that we had a great life together that simply ended at 4 in the afternoon when I began drinking. My rock bottom was simply that I hated what alcohol was doing to me and that I still couldn't give it up. I had stopped doing everything that I used to love to do. I drank 8 shots in a row by myself before I had "my first" drink of the evening. Then one day I simply had enough. I was done. The second day without alcohol I cried in my wife's arms. sobbing like a child because of how bad I wanted to drink again. But I didn't drink. After that night, things got easier that first week day by day. After the 2nd week of not drinking and loving life, I knew that I was done for good. Its been fairly easy since then. I consider myself a non-drinker much like a non-smoker. I don't believe that I am recovering. I consider myself recovered. I love it. After so many years, the switch finally turned on and the room lit up. My life without alcohol is amazing. I wanted to share this because it really does come down to the individual making the decision that drinking is no longer acceptable in his/her life. People can help and support for sure, but in the end its the decision of the person who is actively addicted to stop. It sucks. It is scary. The first few days feels like somebody cut your lifeline. There is no way around it. Its going to feel very ******* weird and uncomfortable but then it gets better. And then it gets a lot better. And then it just becomes the new normal. It was really interesting to get on this site again after not being on it for so long. I could look back and know exactly who I was back then. I was not ready to stop. I wanted to be ready but I was not. It took six more years of that to finally do it. Good luck to everyone who is still struggling. My only suggestion to you is to empower yourself. Find a trusted friend or two to talk to. And don't be afraid to exercise until you can't see straight. Soon, you will love the new normal and alcohol will seem foreign and grotesque.