Originally Posted by trailmix

Your thoughts also had you running in to him in the airport in the future with his wife and children at his side. Doesn't that seem unlikely now?

You also had him in rehab, having a cosy relationship by the fire with someone. Yeah - not the truth.

And just as these were not the truth, what you are thinking of now is not the truth or a fact.

To me your reactions seem entirely normal.

I'm glad you are laying it out there Glenjo.

You have never really left this relationship and I think you know that so it's probably no surprise. That is not to say that all the work you have done is for nothing, absolutely not saying that, it has put you in a much, much better place I think, to protect yourself.

Bottom line is, you can't actually run away from this or from your feelings. No pod-cast, no book, no journaling will erase this.

Wanting a relationship with another person is OK! Wanting to have someone special and close to you is OK. He's not it, he cannot give you what you need, is frankly in no position to. He is a not-really-in-recovery addict, as you are well aware.

You need to try something new. Hiding your hurt isn't going to work. Maybe it's time to get back out there in the world.